what would you do if you were me?

[Crystal]

ok here goes, i need everyones help. for the past three weeks i have been seeing this guy. I will be honest we went a little to far, if you know what i mean. i really, really like this guy, i almost think i love him. I care for him a lot. I thought that i could never find someone to love as much as i did my last boyfriend of 1 year and 5 months. Well i asked him where this was going and he told me that he liked it the way it was, and that he didn't want to be in a relationship because he was always busy(he owns his own business)(he is 25, im 18 going on 19) I was on the phone with him at work when he told me this, i started to cry, because i was hopping that he felt the same as i did. He does a lot of things that i don't believe in, but i look past it. When we are together around other people, he acts all distant, but when we are alone, he opens up and is all warm and cuddly. (sorry for misspelled words) Like today for example, he gave me the pat on the back hug, well i went to kiss him, he kissed me back, but it was a peck. I was like what the hell. he lives 3 hours away from me, i drove down this weekend to see him, like i did last week which was my spring break so we could hang out. He is constantly putting me last and calling things off. like we were supposed to go to the movies three nights in a roll we tried, but he always had to hang out and drink with his friends, so we always missed the movie. well tonight he got off early, and he promised that we would go to a movie, well he calls me after 7(he got off before 6) saying that he hasn't taken a shower yet, , but he wants to take a nap for about an hour or so, then shower and dress, then call me and say if we are going anywhere, i tell him what ever, and hang up. well i call in about 2 minutes later all pissed off (the time of the month /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif ) i tell him "you can do what ever the hell you want to do tonight, and i will do what ever the hell i want to do, when you decide that you want this to go somewhere call me, but im not waiting around for you." i called him about 3 times after that, because i was all alone and bored. well he never answered or called me back, so F**K him. I'm so mad, im at my sisters house all alone, and drinking all alone, this sucks. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif what should i do?

[Bo]

[ QUOTE ]
well i call in about 2 minutes later all pissed off (the time of the month /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif)

[/ QUOTE ]

Looks like you answered your own problem. http://users.nexet.net/nicholson/bostuff/funny/banana-thumb.gif

[SloMoFo]

1. when a guy says he doesnt want a relationship dont try to push him into one it only pisses them off, the thing is if you talked about it before then why are you bringing it up again? you should of had an understanding that things were not to become serious and it sounds like he demonstrated this before hand, for men sex doesnt change anything while on the other hand women tend to become more clingy (why this is i do not know), he isnt ready or wants a relationship so stop trying to force one on him

2. youre calling WAY too much

im going to try to put this as nice but as truthful as possible...you gave in too early and he told you he wasnt ready for a relationship...what did you expect would happen? my best advice is to just let this one go and settle your losses ...youre probably scaring this guy off if he was interested in something but it sounds like he never was

if you dont want to become the "booty call" then dont put yourself in the position to be one, the trick to finding a keeper is to make him wait a bit, a person just out for ass will leave because youre making it too hard for him, the genuine guy will stay =)

its truely a learning experience and i think its safe to say many women have been in your position at least once...including me

[dontshakepandas]

it sounds like he just doesnt want what you do.... ur not gona change his mind either.. especially by calling all the time

sometimes its hard to see facts when your influenced by feelings.. but to me.. its pretty obvious this wont work out.. wait and find somebody that can really make you happy

[Pontiac4Life]

Personally, I'm a firm believer that you will find it when you arent looking, if that means anything to you. I know your looking for a relationship, but my advice is to look for someone who seems to be looking for a just a little more than a hookup, and see where it goes from there.

[Cory]

Move on.

[tease]

I agree with SloMoFo on this..... it's a learning experience that we all go through. Whether is a guy or a girl, if they aren't ready to be in a relationship you can't push them into it....it will just turn them off even more and they won't want anything to do with you at all.

[Pontiac4Life]

Crystal, come by me. We'll get over our previous loves together. lol.

[Crystal]

[ QUOTE ]
Crystal, come by me. We'll get over our previous loves together. lol.

[/ QUOTE ]

ha ha ha, thanks for all of the replies, it was a little hard to read them, but that is what i needed to hear.

[Pontiac4Life]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Crystal, come by me. We'll get over our previous loves together. lol.

[/ QUOTE ]

ha ha ha, thanks for all of the replies, it was a little hard to read them, but that is what i needed to hear.

[/ QUOTE ]
So...do you need directions?

[SheDevil]

[ QUOTE ]
Move on.

[/ QUOTE ]
Couldnt be said better....if he doesnt act like hes interested in public and he says he doesnt want a relationships you should move on...keep him as a friend, because odds are eventually one day he will want a relationship but dont wait for him, go on with your life and if he decides he wants to be with you think about it then

[FbodyDOLLY]

sounds like he's using you for you to "go to far with him" based on you thinking you love him, and you meaning little to nothing to him...
sorry to be so blunt, but that's the way i see it.. he's an older man, and the one older man i talked to only ever wanted to talk about taking my virginity from me, or messing around with me.. so i decided not to even bother going to hang out with him even once after the first time we met.
so... there you have it..
don't bother with that type!
xoxo

[SloMoFo]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Move on.

[/ QUOTE ]
Couldnt be said better....if he doesnt act like hes interested in public and he says he doesnt want a relationships you should move on...keep him as a friend, because odds are eventually one day he will want a relationship but dont wait for him, go on with your life and if he decides he wants to be with you think about it then

[/ QUOTE ]


guys like that dont make good friends so no point in being friends with him ...thats just my opinion

[**DONOTDELETE**]

Crystal, take an older woman's advice -- MOVE ON. Sometimes it's those short, intense relationships that help us when we finally find the slow, loving ones. If this guy was as into you as you are to him, he would make the time and effort to see you and be with you. Don't ever continue going out with a guy who isn't willing to make the same effort you are.

I've been dating again for about two years (after a 15 years) and there's lots of players out there - but there are a few guys who are worthwhile. You'll know who they are because they'll pay attention to you, say nice things to you, call you out of the blue just to say hello and they miss you...wait for that relationship to come along. None of the others can compare to one that is truly the right one. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hero.gif

[FordGirlGoneBad]

Sorry - wasn't logged in -- the above Anonymous message is from me. Der!

[Crystal]

[ QUOTE ]
Crystal, take an older woman's advice -- MOVE ON. Sometimes it's those short, intense relationships that help us when we finally find the slow, loving ones. If this guy was as into you as you are to him, he would make the time and effort to see you and be with you. Don't ever continue going out with a guy who isn't willing to make the same effort you are.

I've been dating again for about two years (after a 15 years) and there's lots of players out there - but there are a few guys who are worthwhile. You'll know who they are because they'll pay attention to you, say nice things to you, call you out of the blue just to say hello and they miss you...wait for that relationship to come along. None of the others can compare to one that is truly the right one. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hero.gif

[/ QUOTE ]


thanks, i really liked what you said, I'm trying to move on and away from him, but its getting harder. I told him if it wasn't going any where than i wasn't going to waste my time. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif

[FordGirlGoneBad]

It's only hard if you make it that way. It's easy, I promise --

1) when he calls, hang up
2) when he stops by, you're busy
3) when he whines, tell him to shut up
4) when he tries to get to your heart, close it!

One of two things will happen -- either he'll pay attention to you and be that other person I was talking about or he will move on. If you make it easy for him to be with you, he'll hang around 'cause there's nothing better to do and you've made it too easy for him (which will be hard on you later). Test my theory -- it's only got four steps and will only take you about two days to find out what's what.

They write books about this sh*t -- and you're getting my good advice for free, tried and tested by me.

[Crystal]

I am going to try that. i can't wait. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Crystal]

well update, me and him talked earlier, and we decided that would would go on a couple of more dates, and get to know each other a little more before getting into a relationship, which i do agree, because i started thinking about my last relationship, which was a long distance relationship, and it was tuff, i hated the jealousy. so i guess i will see what happens, because in June i am moving to Houston to work for a year before i go to college, because i need to save up money for school, plus if anything does happen, at-least it wont be long distance.

[SheDevil]

Good for you Crystal i hope everthing works out for you, and i'd have to agree with Fordgirlgonebad's advice except for step one (for anyone thats looking at the advice) i'd go with the approach of if you know its him just dont answer the phone at all....in a way its less rude and not quiet as harsh...but thats just me.

[Cory]

Move on, I think your setting yourself up for more heartache. If he is legit, then you are moving too fast....based on your first post. If he isn't, he is looking for a 'naked buddy'....or something like that. Sorry if that does not make sense, I'm really tired right now.

[FbodyDOLLY]

i agree w. 87 fbod.
sounds like he's going for the gold right off the bat..
don't even bother with him unless you know that you two can go to dinner without any "play"
and if he tries tell him to kiss something else... like your ass.... : )
http://students.cs.byu.edu/~casa44/Virtual%20Zoo/donkey.jpg

[Crystal]

ha ha ha, i like that. i love the picture. yea, he has been reading what everyone has been saying. oh well, truth can hurt sometimes. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Pontiac4Life]

Is he on these boards?

[Crystal]

no, he appears as anyomous i think unless he has a name now.

[Camaro4Life]

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/paranoid.gif

[Crystal]

solider, you know who you are, because this is all about you. if your reading this, ha ha ha, shame on you im sticking my tounge out at you /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[FbodyDOLLY]

well, then he'll figure out that we're going to stick up for you and keep you out of trouble and keep him in line!!!

[Crystal]

ha ha, today has been crazy, i ran into my other ex-boyfriend, and we just talked about everything, for about 2 hours, it was cool. I felt so much better after talking to him, because he really hurt me when he broke up with me, and now i am like im ok. We exchanged numbers, man i'll tell you i am starting to really like being single, i fell like a pimp /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif j/k. I am going to just see how things turn out, I will not let him hurt me, well i already am, but not anymore than i am, the thing is, i wanna cry, but i can't, i am through crying over guys. No More!! I'm gonna be happy for me, and do everything to make sure that happens, thanks for everyones input. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[FbodyDOLLY]

two words... and i'm done...
BE CAREFUL!

[Crystal]

yea i know, i really dont know what the hell im doing, i think i have a split personality. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[I OWNED U]

So now he has an insight on how to play you. Way to lay your cards on the table. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif

[Crystal]

oh, well i guess i will see what happens, i am really not worried about it, if he wants to be like that, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. He is just missing on something that could be really great.

[wickedbird]

so is there an update to this? I mean, it sounds to me like he was (in the words of ZZ Top) "...just looking for some tush". Sorry ot say it, but some guys just want that. If you give it up and aren't looking for more, hey thats fine. But if you are looking for more which it sounds like you are, and he's not, you are just setting yourself up for more heartache and ultimately a good self esteem bashing!

[Crystal]

oh, everything going great, i stopped talking to him and that made him think, so things are really great between us now. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[wickedbird]

cool, good to hear.

[Crystal]

thanks /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Crystal]

yall were all right. i wished i would have listened. i was talking to him on msn and well here is what's left of the conversation, i exited out of the first, but my question was had he been with anyone else since me, and he said yes. heres the rest.

Never give out your password or credit card number in an instant message conversation.


Crystal says: (3:19:49 PM)
***so thats all you do uh?

Tsm112 says: (3:20:29 PM)
***yep pretty much

Crystal says: (3:20:42 PM)
***must be proud

Tsm112 says: (3:20:48 PM)
***what so exiting in ur life]

Tsm112 says: (3:20:57 PM)
***exciting

Crystal says: (3:21:03 PM)
***do you me exciting

Tsm112 says: (3:21:20 PM)
***good job yes

Crystal says: (3:21:33 PM)
***atleast i dont just sleep around with anyone.

Crystal says: (3:21:47 PM)
***i guess i made an exception with you

Tsm112 says: (3:21:54 PM)
***i dont

Tsm112 says: (3:21:58 PM)
***what u mean

Crystal says: (3:22:01 PM)
***but atleast i have more respect for myself

Tsm112 says: (3:23:02 PM)
***im not even going there so stop

Crystal says: (3:23:08 PM)
***i dont know why i thought that maybe once i was down there, that might change, but i wouldn't want to touch you with a ten foot pole

Tsm112 says: (3:23:21 PM)
***i dont talk bad about u

Crystal says: (3:23:43 PM)
***i dont talk bad about u, i just have more respect for peoples feelings

Crystal says: (3:23:58 PM)
***who ever it was, lets see if she comes back

Crystal says: (3:24:16 PM)
***lets see if she'll wanna be with you more than once, i dought it

Tsm112 says: (3:25:28 PM)
***shes on same level

Tsm112 says: (3:25:36 PM)
***shes cool with just [censored]

Crystal says: (3:25:44 PM)
***oh, i see

Tsm112 says: (3:25:52 PM)
***yea see

Tsm112 says: (3:25:59 PM)
*** thats alot of [censored] ur talking

Tsm112 says: (3:26:06 PM)
***like ur something special

Crystal says: (3:26:21 PM)
***yea and you think you are?

Crystal says: (3:26:35 PM)
***you think your just the [censored], you talk all the mess, \

Tsm112 says: (3:26:36 PM)
***no i dont

Crystal says: (3:26:40 PM)
***yea you do

Tsm112 says: (3:26:43 PM)
***no i dont

Crystal says: (3:26:46 PM)
***ok

Tsm112 says: (3:27:04 PM)
***u got mad about the truth

Crystal says: (3:27:30 PM)
***have your fun, i dont give a [censored], anymore, im sick and tired of thinking that it would change, it wont, your always gonna be that way. so oh well. [censored] it, goodbye

Crystal says: (3:27:37 PM)
***have fun with you piece of ass

[super72chevy5522]

wow he is a physco, u shouldnt have to deal with that, dont even talk to the guy

[I OWNED U]

I don't understand why girls put themselves thru all the drama. You know what he's about now, and when you're young most guys are all about the "cheeks". They realize later that they had a nice girl and may even promise you the world in hopes that you'll take em back. But hangin w/ this guy (talking) doesn't look like it'll end happily.

[Crystal]

yea, i'm not gonna talk to him anymore. i can't handle all of it.

[98camaro231]

i told you not to talk to him

[Crystal]

i told him about what i did, and he got all mad so we are not talking anymore. he's a hypocrite. Don't worry sweet David, I'm not talking to him anymore. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif